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Thu, Feb. 25th, 2010, 09:45 pm
Happy Birthday To Us

We're 5 years old today ...

... now here's a picture of a grown man cosplaying an S&M turtle.

Mon, Oct. 22nd, 2007, 10:29 pm
Season of 'ween

Cheers everyone.

As promised, I wouldn't post anything until after the VP Q2 financial statement. I just wanted to make a quick announcement that the fine admins at vampireposers.com, in the spirit of the season, have posted a small treat for everyone.

So after you're done gorging yourself on chocolate, remember to visit vampireposers.com and brush twice afterward!

Tue, Jan. 9th, 2007, 05:54 pm
I bet you hoped I was dead

I'm not. Hah. Why are you even reading my LJ, anyway?

Yeah so happy 2007. This year's resolutions include:

- invoke more internet drama
- become famous
- retire a rich man

... and something about not smoking tobacco ... I forget the exact wording.

I promise to post again before the start of VPQ3 Fiscal Quarter.

Wed, May. 3rd, 2006, 12:07 pm
I love encyclopediadramaica.com

I was forced to deviate from my regular once-a-month posting to the shitbag that is LJ so that I could profess my love for Encyclopedia Dramatica.

My popularity is growing organically at this point, with little to no direct personal involvement. It's come to my attention that the admins over at Encyclopedia Dramatica have been sleuthing around to find my LJ, my Kirkian "Captain's Log", if you will.

Well, I won't call it sleuthing. I put a link to the journal on my ED page, which was found by one of the admins, read, and cited. I suppose they found this entry amusing, and went so far as to quote me in my journal. One of the other admins (particularly, the one I was referring to in the aforementioned LJ posting) presumably found this entry and removed the passage about my journal that referred to him.

These admins are modifying my page more than I am. All the LULz, none of the effort. I just sit back, sip the coffay, and let the LULz roll.

In the meantime, I've been working on my wiki markup skills in preparation for my complete usurpation of all wikis on the internet. This takeover will be in alignment with my complete domination over MySpace, LiveJournal, Friendster, Friendowitz, BuddyBudPals, Yahoo, AOL, and other spheres of global influence like http://www.moid.org.

Thanks, ED.


Mon, Apr. 17th, 2006, 04:16 pm
No surprise

Just as I suspected:

The # of unique visitors to the site is relatively just as high as some of the better months from 2005. This tells me that you people are ravenous for the site.

Like I said, no surprise.

Meanwhile, I've been stirring up more internet drama in some obvious places such as cosplayfucks.net and Encyclopedia Dramatica.

I learned that the lamers over at cosplayfucks got shut down by the tyrants who run LJ, so they scrambled to form a forum/community where they could continue their trolling. It's just a basic phpBB, not even a gallery or anything. Shit, that's half the reason I even visited their old community in the first place. I'm not a big fan of forums (including my own), but I joined so I could 1) promote my site, and 2) troll troll troll. I don't think those guys like me very much, despite me offering my "A++" admin advice. Seems to me that if they're already getting served DCMA notices, they must be doing something wrong.

Aside from that, I let the admins over at Encyclopedia Dramatica beat me up over my Wiki illiteracy, but all in the aim of getting a page up on their site about MY site. Mission accomplished. One of their admins even tried banning my IP address when I was making some minor edits to preexisting pages and attempting to make links from those pages to my ED page. Seriously, in an age of proxy browsers and wireless networks, what's the fucking point of banning an IP anyway? Once I got banned, I just connected to my neighbor's wireless network and finished what I had set out to do anyway.

My site hasn't even been relaunched for 2 months and someone is already threatening to sue me. FYI, I don't even check my e-mail that much, so if you plan on trying to scare me with an "I'll sue you" e-mail, don't waste your time. Shit, I forgot I even had an LJ for a while there. I'm basically too busy IRL to play Vampire Troller all the time.

Anyway, thanks for the overwhelming welcome back into this cesspool known as the internet.

Fri, Feb. 24th, 2006, 02:22 pm
The site is back up.

Sup ...

I've been thinking a lot about this, and I decided to test the waters.

I relaunched the site, and I'm trying to gague interest to see if anyone is interested or not. The domain name is up for renewal soon and I was debating on just letting the name die completely. Somehow, I got talked into relaunching the site though.

One problem though ...

When I went to go relaunch the XOOPS CMS, I discovered that I had actually deleted the old MySQL database I dumped right before taking the site down. This made me pretty sad, particularly because there were so many brilliant comments made for pictures on the old site. I wasn't really looking forward to redeploying the site in its old form, but when I discovered that the MySQL db was gone, I became much more open about trying a new CMS.

For the most part, people really only visited the site to look at the galleries. The forums and everything else were not of much interest to people, particularly the forum sections dedicated to the motivation, explanation, and mission of the site. You fucking juveniles don't care about the lofty reasons WHY I launched the site, you just want to post pics of your enemies and sneer like Billy Idol on a massive coke binge.

Ok, so what-the-fuck ever! The site is up again. Visit it and make me happy or I'll take the fucking thing down again.

Thu, Nov. 3rd, 2005, 05:33 pm
Monthly update

Ok, so I took the original site offline for one month starting on October 1st, 2005.

Initially, I wasn't planning on keeping it offline, but I began appreciating the free time I had since I didn't have to maintain the site. I've actually been getting a lot accomplished in my personal life, but that's not the purpose of this post.

Yes, I put up some disgusting horse-male ass sex Flash .swf movie to piss my members off and make you gag. I also did it as a prank to my friends. I laughed so fucking hard imagining my friends taking their daily visit to my site and finding horse ass sex instead. I pictured my buddy Eric at his engineering plant, spitting out his coffee all over his laptop ... I imagined my friend Anthony feebly attempting to cover up his surprise NSFW bestiality Flash movie all up in his grill ... I pictured some of the teenagers who are addicted to my site trying to visit it from their highschool computer labs and being confronted with horse porn. Those gemlike thoughts, I will cherish until my dying day.

Anyway, despite me having put horse ass sex up on the front page of the domain, you guys STILL kept coming back. I wonder what you were thinking. "Maybe he'll launch the site again?" Or, "I wonder if it's back up today?"

All that curiousity was bringing between 30 - 50 unique visitors per day on average to my site. STILL. Like, can't you fucking take the hint? The site is gone. I'm not paying for your entertainment anymore! Get a fucking life! I'd hate to think you're coming back to see 12"+ of cock jammed up some guy with pierced scrotum's ass.

Amusingly enough, during the month of October, I got an e-mail from good ol' Google AdSense. The e-mail follows:


Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 18:12:11 -0700
From: "Google AdSense" <adsense-support@google.com>
To: vampireposer@yahoo.com
Subject: Google AdSense Account Disabled
CC: "Google AdSense" <adsense-support@google.com>

Hello Vampireposer,

We continually review all publishers according to our Terms and
Conditions and program policies, and we reserve the right to disable
publishers or sites that are not in compliance with our policies.

Our specialists have found that your account is not in compliance with
these program policies. As a result, we have disabled your account.

Thank you for your understanding.


The Google AdSense Team


Here's my open-letter response to the AdSense Team, and Google.com in general:

Dear AdSense Moles,

Thank you for canceling my account. You saved me the trouble of having to go thru the process of actually giving you privacy-stealing assfucks my bank account just so I can transfer the measley amount of revenue you're willing to pay me for continuously displaying ads on my website. You can take your $0.53 cents and shove it up your Russkie asses.

Fuck you very much,



Meanwhile, at the end of October, the fucking hard drive in my webserver died. Dead! I wonder how that happened. Might it have had something to do with all of you fucking losers being so addicted to my site? Nahhhh it couldn't possibly be that.

Despite my best efforts to use hotlink protection and everything else, I managed to move well over 30GB of
data off my webserver, sustaining over 1 million hits since April. We got over 17,000 visits, totaling in just shy of a quarter million pages served. Why should I keep running this site at all? The way I look at it, the interweb owes me a hard drive! Make it a large one, too.

Ok, so for the meantime, I put up some stupid fucking Flash photo gallery. This gallery contains only my most treasured photos, and those people have specifically requested to be put up there. (Yes, people still ask me to post their photos). These photos are the ones that made me LOL tremendously, nothing short of pervasive LULz to be seen. This will remain up until I can figure out how to turn this shitty domain name into something from which I can get instantly rich.

Any ideas?

Thu, Oct. 6th, 2005, 04:12 pm
Taking a breath ...

Ok. I told everyone I would explain this "breath" that vampireposers.com is taking. Let me see if I can help make this clear to everyone.

First of all, everyone here needs to understand that I launched this site for a couple reasons. My primary reason for launching the site was to develop a community that managed to attract lots of web traffic. The purpose for attracting lots of web traffic is obviously to market some of my other initiatives online. The plan was to make banner ads and post them on vampireposers.com to link to other projects I developed. I managed to attract, on average, 100-250 visitors a day. This is on the low threshold of a "high traffic" site.

Another reason I launched the site is because I sincerely dislike goth/vamp/rivet/metal/cyber culture. Those of you out there in the world who are masquerading around using one or more of these classifications to yourself, thinking that you are all so edge and underground, you make me fucking sick to death. I think back to when I was in 8th grade and an aspiring punk rocker myself. The year was 1987. I was 12 at the time and I thought I knew everything about the underground. Someone explained to me back then that punk was dead and had been dead ever since the Dead Kennedys got sued and disbanded. The silencing of their politically aware punk rock voices, along with the rise of the PMRC, marked the end of an era of anti-establishment punk rock music and cleared the way for punk rock to be assimilated into the fabric of capitalism. What's the PMRC, you say? Perhaps some of you younger tykes out there know who the former Mrs. Vice President Tipper Gore, the woman some of you remember as being the semi-hip soccer mom who also had a job as being the wife of Vice President Al Gore. Back in the 80's, before her husband had Executive Branch aspirations, she was busy with her witch hunt against the dangerous rock'n'roll influences of people such as Prince. Prince! What's the point of all this? The point is that the current capitalist system under which we all live has consumed your rebellious culture a long time ago, leaving you with the "freedom of choice". Choice between your establishment-packaged forms of rebellion. You've been tricked into thinking you have the freedom to choose who you are and what you think. Comcast or Verizon? MySpace or LiveJournal? MTV or VH1? Hot Topic or Torrid?

Yes, it's no secret I have a serious amount of contempt for those of you who think you are outside of pop culture. So, why pick on vamps and goths?

Vamps and goths are possibly some of the most drama-prone people on the face of the planet. What better way to spice up an already boring soul by manufacturing some egotistical drama about one's self? It's also no secret that goths are known for being some of the most emo, whiny fuckfaces on the planet. Their self consumed depression blinds them to the suffering of other people, making them useless and unable to contribute to society. And why not? It's not like anyone has bothered to encourage Missy Mallgoth to shed that extra 30lbs (which might actually help her self esteem and defeat her self-diagnosed depression) by going for a jog. She's been brainwashed into thinking that happiness is a PlayStation, a $100 gift certificate to Torrid (plus sized clothing store only, pls), and a sedentary lifestyle of eating, gaming, LARPing, and "fashion". Someone tricked today's youth into thinking that they can be productive and useful members of society only after they have completely satiated their desire for material wealth and possessions.

Why should I take time to flesh out the "differences" between vamps? Between sanguinarians and psyvamps, etc etc? It's really pointless if you ask me. It's about as fruitful as denoting the differences between genres of electronica. From an academic standpoint, it's just splitting hairs of the tail of a dung-smelling yak.

So, why are Metalheads lumped into this group of undesirables? It's simple, really. Metalheads were basically put on this earth to endlessly debate insignificant intricacies and emulate one another. They're just as much a bunch of posers as goths and vamps. Sure, there have been a few groundbreaking metalheads in the past, pioneers if you will, but for the most part, the remainder of them have been way too happy to completely bite off the style of the innovaters. What does that make the rest of you? Posers!

Observe the band Kingdom Come, for example.

They wanted so badly to be Led Zeppelin, they even went with the fantasy font!

As far as ICP fans and some of the other "classes" of people I make fun of, these groups of people are obviously easy to make fun of. Seriously. If you dress like a fucking clown who is high on crack, don't go getting all pissed off when I call you on it.

Ok, enough explanation of that.

Some of you are probably wondering why I took the site down. Let me enumerate my reasons.

1) To the best of my understanding, the site is perfectly legal. The one thing that protects it from being illegal is the fact that we used Section 107 of US Copyright Law to protect our "social commentary." That having been said, this social commentary had to be of a non-profit, educational nature.

"Did he say nonprofit?"

Yes, nonprofit. I hardly call running Google AdSense a millionaire's venture. I didn't charge anyone a fee to enter the site, although some of you gave me such a headache, I should have been paid just to deal with you.


Questionble, yes. But true nonetheless. Not that I expect any of you goths/vamps out there to read my words and have an epiphany of self realization, uncovering the mask of lies under which you live. So to say the site was educational is a stretch of the word, but only because some of you are so fucking stupid that no amount of ridicule will help you see the ridiculousness of your ways.

Even with the protection of the Fair Use clause of US Copyright Law against libel, I still think that there is a reasonable expectation that one of you down-and-out loser fuckheads out there would conspire to try to sue me anyway. The reality of the matter is that I don't feel like dealing with your insecure, depressed, indignant asses at all. Why should I take the chance of getting sued, even knowing that I'm well within my right to run this site? Because I don't feel like having to personally pay some attorney to deal with the problem. In all honesty, how many of you would be willing to get an attorney and try explaining something like this to him/her:

"Ok, listen. I am the admin for this website that makes fun of vamps and goths. We take photos of them and make juvenile comments about the photos, making fun of them and their culture in the process."

I have trouble even telling some of my good friends that I run this site. See, in the "real world", there is something known as a "professional reputation" that travels with you from job to job, town to town. You can't change a screenname or IP address to refresh your reputation. There's nothing you can do to undo someone's first impression of you. I personally don't feel like being put in the position of having to explain and re-explain my reasons for launching this site to people in the judicial system just so I can keep from being sued into the poorhouse by some insecure fucking loser out there who has nothing better to do than scour the entire fucking internet looking for people who have taken your photos and suing them for it. You stupid fucking goths love the drama and attention, and now all of a sudden you have a problem with the attention? I guess you shouldn't have drawn a line of eyeliner all the way around your fucking head and worn your hair out like Grace Jones.

While I have taken the time to speak with more than one attorney regarding the legality of this site, that doesn't prevent people from attempting to sue me or otherwise ride my coattails into infamy. Unless some of you wish to pony up some of your own personal cash to contribute to my Legal Defense Fund, I don't see this changing anytime soon (hmm that's not a bad idea). Oh, and by the way, dedicated servers cost money as well.

2) While I myself have strived to contribute only the funniest material and make only the wittiest comments, I can't say the same for some of my members.

Quite frankly, I lost count of how many of you fucking losers have used my site to try trolling someone in your Algebra class that you don't like, or post a photo of your friend just to piss him off (otherwise disregarding the fact that the photo in and of itself is not humerous at all). Some of you used the site as your personal proving grounds for posting photos of known chat trolls or to settle chat vendettas. Even more, some of you use the site to wage personal wars against people you know in person, posting your enemy's photos on my site. Needless to say, some of these cases are clearly forms of libel which I cannot condone or support. I don't really expect you people to be experts of copyright law or libel, but for fuck's sake! Take some time to read my site disclaimer and terms of use.

More often than not, your personal vendettas got you banned from my site completely and got your accounts deleted. And more often than not, your personal vendettas were not funny at all. Some of you people just simply do not know how to troll safely and legally. You go right for the jugular, trying to name someone personally and give out their address or other identifying information. How fucking stupid! Did Rachel Rivethead insult your PVC skirt at the club and make you cry so badly that you had to steal her photos off her vampirefreaks.com profile page? Don't you think that Rachel is going to catch up with you and put her rivet boot up your cottage cheese ass? No! More than likely, Rachel Rivethead is going to see her photo on my site and then rant about it in her journal, wherever the fuck it is. Then, people who see her journal are going to click thru to visit my site. Soon after that, I'm going to see my webstats and notice that there are a bunch of hits coming from Rachel Rivethead's journal. Then I will visit her journal, only to see some nasty note written about me personally, as if I'm personally responsible for every fucking member's action on my site and personally responsible for posting every last photo on my site. She's not going to come after your fat, jealous ass. She's going to see my site and conspire how she can make vampireposers.com suffer. And when I say vampireposers.com, I mean me, and not you.

In addition to the insecure whiners who attempt to plague me with their own scorn, I have a host of wannabe hackers and scenesters who wish illwill upon me and my efforts. I have losers like THIS GUY portscanning my webserver and trying to take down my operations because myself and a couple other prominent members of the site trolled him to tears on his IRC channel (affectionately named -=GOTHCHAT1=- LULZ). This particular case escalated way out of control when he let his emotions get the best of him and lead him to portscan us. As a result of his portscan, myself and another one of my Admins submitted our server logs to his ISP, and shortly thereafter saw him get dumped by the only broadband carrier in his area. Now, thast fucking shut-in is doomed to surf the internet for the rest of his days on a dialup connection and forced to lie about why that happened in chat.

Or maybe I could mention the insecure, cakefaced little twat who tried tasking out her minions to "hack" my Yahoo! SN. She couldn't help but whine endlessly about having found her photo on the site in her vampirefreaks.com journal and beg people to try taking me out. This girl is not very attractive at all, and any attraction I might have personally felt for her PVC thighhighs was utterly obliterated by her self-absorbed whining about me. You'd think that someone from some unGodly bumfucked place on this planet would be happy for all the pings they could get to observe her pathetic little existence. You thought wrong! Nevermind the fact that I had to ban 2 people who know this girl personally and hate her so much that they sought to post as many photos of her as possible on my site. What thanks do I get for that? None! I should have simply introduced the two of them to each other and let them fight to the death like the Harpys they are.

My site attracts some real fucking trash, and this is just the tip of the iceberg ...

Let's not forget about the girl who used an abducted girl's photos as her own on my website. Which one of you loyal and dedicated fans of mine is going to save ME when the Corvallis, OR Police Department shows up at my doorstep and questions me as a "person of interest" in an ongoing abduction case? Meanwhile, some fat fucking cow with no life and tremendous amounts of insecurity is sitting around at her dayjob, eating bonbons, trolling chat looking for metalhead/goth cock, and using an abducted girl's photos as her own. People like this make me sick.

You can't forget about the dumbasses who swear up and down how much my site sucks, only to reduce himself to joining the site and then whining endlessly to me about how it loads too slowly. Yes, I get my fair share of this too, namely from THIS GUY. Once again, it's only the people who are so publicly hated that try to lash out at me.

I begged him to humble himself and submit this photo to my site, but he's another insecure one. I couldn't imagine why.

Trust me, I have enough photos of curly-toothed yokels that I don't need people e-mailing them to me for submission. I would much rather you join my site and submit your own photo. That saves me the trouble of having to do it myself and makes your public ridicule that much more enjoyable and legit. If you're going to join the site, you better be prepared to fall on the sword.

The list of annoyances this site has generated for me is endless. Quite frankly, I'm sick of dealing with the fucking juvenile morons who use it for their own personal vendettas, completely ignoring my Terms of Use and other site policies. Since there's really no revenue associated with running this site, the only benefit I get out of it is endless LULz and my bandwidth sapped like mad.

Why the fuck should I put the site back up? No one cares! Besides, in reality, I have had some more important things going on in my life (my real life, one very few of you are privelaged enough to know of) that have been consuming my time and attentions.

Perhaps I could be convinced to launch the site again, but the way it's looking right now, chances are bleak. No one else is offering to help me run this thing, and I'm getting sick of wasting my productive time on it.

Sat, Oct. 1st, 2005, 02:17 am
Setting New Records

Server logs do not lie.

Vampireposers.com has set another record for # of unique visitors ... and this is the tally even after having lost a week's worth of weblogs.

This is a great point to take a breath.

More on that "breath" later.

Sat, Sep. 24th, 2005, 12:47 pm
Oh noes! Haxqrz!

I was vainly searching Google for the phrase "vampireposer" to see who was pimping off my internet fame when I came across this result. See result #4 in the Google screengrab below.

First of all, before I even begin to comment on anti_saint's entry on her Vampire Freaks page, I'd like to take note of the fact that on of the entries on my LiveJournal actually has scored more hits than her page. That's pretty pathetic, considering the fact that almost no one knows about this journal, yet her Vampire Freaks page is filled with photos of her and her amateur fetish modelling photography. If your tits flopping out all over the place can't get more hits thru Google than my virtually unknown LiveJournal, it might be time for you to hang up the amateur fetish model wishes and retire the vampire fangs, kid.

Also worth note is the fact that funker_joe ranks higher than she does on Google as well. What a fucking tryhard this girl is.

I suppose it's worth mentioning that she eventually found me in Yahoo Metal:1 chat a few weeks ago and attempted to publicly berate me in there. That was quite amusing, seeing as though some of the regular chatters in that room are far more unforgiving of fat Goth girls than even I am. Perhaps that's why my site seems to be so popular in that room. Anyway, after being publicly scoffed at for a while, she slinked out of the room in utter shame, then started bombarding me with IMs asking me "Why are you suck a dick, I never did nothing to you. Blah fucking blah." The most ironic part of it all is that I personally never added this insecure little girl's photos to vampireposers.com, it was actually more than one of my users who took glee in doing the deed. She did manage to absorb the rather simple concept that all she had to do was write me and request to have her photos removed and I would remove them. She actually did write me to formally request that. I obliged her. See? I'm not such a fucking dick after all, am I?

Theoretically, it's well within my right to leave those photos up there and scorn that girl until she finally gives up in defeat. But I didn't. I usually always remove a photo when formally asked. Not because I'm intimidated, but because *I am actually nice*. People who catch a fucking 'tude with me will have a much harder time finding me to be agreeable. Let this be a public notice.

Anyway, I decided to take a screengrab of her shitty Vampire Freaks page to document that she has indeed threatened me by encouraging her silly fucking entourage to "MESSAGE HIM, HACK, HIM, ANYTHING" ...

My interweb notoriety is growing more and more by the day.

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